I CAN SEE THE SUN SHINE AGAIN

I have been offline for the last two months and if you know me, to not load an entry on my blog, is a little unusual.  To be honest I have been dealing with something for the last 8 weeks which has been emotionally draining and it has pushed me to my very limits.  I am not able to share my story just yet, but in time I will post my experience and for the record I am okay-now.  But after returning from London-I am now recharged, revitalized and revived and ready to get back to my life here in Nairobi.  I had let a lot of things go the way side during that period, from my blog, to the babies and sometimes my social life as well.  But as I only know how, I have dusted myself off and from previous experience the past is best left in the past and I need to look forward to the future.  I reiterate again that I am ok.  I had a few dark days and weeks but I live by 2 mottos.  “Things that don’t kill us make us stronger” and “remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck”.

So with all that said I am now back in Kenya for the next 6 months before I head out on what will be my last BIG trip.  There comes a time when the 3 month trips need to come to an end and this realization hit me the last couple of weeks as I soul searched and worked out what exactly what I wanted to get out of my life.  It is a sobering thought, but also an exciting one as I always planned to settle in Kenya, but with all the trips that I have been doing, it still is a disrupted life as such and I do need to plant these feet finally.  I’m not saying that I am never going to travel again, that would be insanity, I have the travel bug and that will always be in my blood.  I think to keep your sanity in a country like Kenya, you need to make pilgrimages every once in a while out of the county to recharge the batteries and get away from the traffic, the mzungu mentality and a little civility and the ability to blend in for good measure.  

In saying that, after my last trip to London, I had a magnificent time.  I went mainly to use a return ticket that was booked last year, primarily to catch up with friends and I also did a small amount of shopping which consisted of things for the house and gifts for the Miracle Babies and friends here in Nairobi.   What it also did was just reinforce just how expensive London is (based on the Australian dollar) which in turn reminded me how expensive Australia was when I went back in December and was a timely reminder why I am living in Nairobi.  Where can you rent a 2 bedroom place for 75AUD a week-pay 20AUD a month for electricity-pay 12AUD a month for security, garbage disposal and water?  Especially after this trip, as much as I say I need them to recharge, it also gave me an appreciation for the life I lead in Africa.  The position I find myself in, the friends that I have made and the Kenyan people I have been lucky enough to meet and the babies and Miracle Babies that give me purpose here every day.  People understand Kenya, as a whole, to have a lot of danger attached to it, but there is always a flip side and for me one of them is the cost of living is one of the positives of living here and appreciate it even more after my trips abroad. 

So I am back.  Mentality and physically.

It is good to be home and time to refocus and get my groove back.

I’m grateful for each day that I get to see the magic of life, experience the incredible world we live in with its good, it’s bad and it’s mysterious ways.  I have learned the hard way that I cannot always count on others to respect my feelings, even if I respect theirs and being a good person doesn’t always guarantee that others will be good people in return and this saddens me, but is a fact of life that cannot be argued.  Living in a country like Kenya, it makes me MORE aware of the good things that surround me and puts things in perspective-no matter what is going in currently in my life.  As I have said before I have a roof over my head, I have food in my fridge, I have my Kenyan family, my Australian/worldwide friends and I also have my health.  So what is there to complain about, and you are right.  In 99% of African countries that would be considered a life of privilege.  I just need to learn to be patient, continue to be a good person and try and improve my own life and of those around me as best I can.  I know it all sounds a little coat and dagger, and hopefully I will be able to share my story eventually, not matter what the outcome, but for now, I need to be confident that karma will do her job at the end of the day, and I will leave it at that for now.

I got a new tattoo when I was in London and it read quite simply 'believe'.
I believe in good people.
I believe that we live in an amazing world-warts and all.
I believe in love.
...and I believe that Karma will come to those who do wrong to others....
BELIEVE.

Bernie is back people.

Bernie is back.