FORGIVENESS IS THE HEART SAYING THANKYOU

One of my favourite photos taken at Awash National Park 2012

When one thing ends, another thing begins

Sometimes ending something hurts

But a new beginning is always worth the pain

Today was the first time that I had seen Zeme since our breakup in October 2012.  I wasn’t too sure what to expect, but the main reason behind the meeting was for me to collect some belongings that I had left here last year, of which there was something of my mums that was worth a million memories to me.  This was the base for the whole trip and I think at the back of my mind I was hoping to get some closure, proper closure, so that I could complete my final healing.  I am in a good place, I had healed, but there were just some things I had to ask and with a language barrier, a face to face encounter was the only way that I could achieve this.  

It was weird to see this person who I thought I would spend the rest of my life with, some-one that had hurt me so much, standing back in front of me again.  I didn’t have the feeling of love or hate anymore, which for me was a good sign I was moving in the right direction.  We talked for a few hours and the thing that meant the most to me was that Zeme apologised.  He said he did the wrong thing and he asked for my forgiveness and you know what?  That was all I wanted to hear.  As soon as he said that and I answered back that I had forgiven him, it felt like a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders.  Don’t get me wrong, there were tears, but it was what I came for, what I wanted to hear and I felt like the trip had justified in that exact moment.  I could now leave Ethiopia with a clear mind and a peaceful heart and know that the country Zeme showed me and the special times we shared here will hold a special place in my heart always and I can now focus back on the good times and just let the one bad incident (or a few accumulated) go and left in the past to never be dredged up again. 

I am the bigger person; I will admit that, because it is a BIG thing, especially for me.  It’s nice to be able to let the last remnants of resentment I had tucked away deep, deep, deep, deep down finally released.  It feels so good to be able to forgive some-one than to keep beating yourself up and trying to hate some-one that really isn’t a bad person.  And that is a point I want to make.  Zeme is not a bad person, he did a stupid, dumb, bad thing and you can’t let one mistake brand some-one as a bad person, even if it was a monumental stuff up. 

But after seeing him today-I knew that I had moved on-Kenya is my home now and as sad as it was it was a great weight lifted and I am so glad we got to talk.  I haven’t heard from him since our meet up 3 days ago and I am okay about that, which again for me is another sign that I am finally heading in the right direction. 

A moment of impact.

A moment of impact almost a potential for change as ripple effects far beyond what we can predict.  

Sending some particles crashin' together, and makin' them closer than before.

While sending others, spending of into great ventures. 

An ending you've never thought you'll find them.

You see that's the thing about moments like this.

You can no matter how hard you try, control how they're going to affect you.

You just got to let it, that impart where did they met, and wait, until the next collision.

A moment of impact.

Forgiveness is the heart saying thank-you and just some words of advice, if there is anyone out there that you love, that you have hurt-it is never too late to say sorry.  Do it-you will feel empowered, happier and know within yourself that you have done the right thing.