A failed marriage, a few broken relationships from dodgy
men who were after more than just being in a relationship (monetary reasons)
and living in a country where the colour of your skin seems to make people
think you have money, whether you actually do or not. It made me realize that I would never know
for sure if people like me for me, or what they could get out of a relationship
with a mzungu (white) woman. I will not
apologize for the last statement. It is
a cold hard fact; I talk to my Kenyan friends about it regularly. I am not one to taint a whole nation with a
few bad apples, but I am certainly in a position to share and go with past
experiences. With my past African
relationships, it is always a juggling act of what can and can’t be done and it
isn’t about a culture difference. You
need to be careful what is posted on the boyfriends Facebook page, the things
you buy and it even comes down to who sees you in public. It is a massive misconception that if you
have a mzungu girlfriend or even a mzungu friend, people will think you are
getting wads of money thrown at them, getting the ‘easy’ life and want to be a
part of that and start to harass the said boyfriend of the time. It makes it difficult for me and also for
them.
With my dating history, my friends are also worried about
the people I meet. I went on a group
‘blind date’ with a South African guy, but it never came to anything and I
currently have a band of women that are on the ‘prowl’ for me, looking for good
wholesome men for me to meet. Needless
to say no-one has been found, but it is funny knowing I have a group of women
with their ears and eyes to the dating ground on my behalf. People have asked me the question on looking
at dating an expat rather than a Kenyan, but I don’t think that they realize
the expat pool of single men is tiny.
Most men that are posted here in Kenya travel with their families and if
there are single men that come here for short term contracts are a younger
crowd and I am sure if you mention 40 to them they will picture their
grandparents, early 20’s is not going to work, different generation and I
really do not want to be perceived as a ’cougar’. You then get the end problem of when their
contract ends and they head back to their homeland and I am back to square one,
with a broken heart in Kenya. This love
business is a tough nut to crack that is for sure at the best of times, let
alone in a foreign country.
In saying all that, I am not one to give up or to not
give someone a fair go. I am ready and
able to get back on the dating horse and I was tired of meeting the wrong sort
of people. So to be proactive, and to
help myself, I joined an online dating service in January of this year. I can’t sit around and mope at home wishing I
had that ‘special’ someone, I had to be proactive and help myself. My thinking was if I joined a dating web
site, at least there would be men that have been vetted to some extent, it was
not a free service, so a membership fee made me feel that firstly they had an
income and that ‘they’ would also be serious in meeting someone. I originally joined for a 6 month membership,
and I received an email from the founder, stating that as the site was still
finding it’s feet, that I was given an additional 3 months free of charge. This was great and worked in well with the
timing of all my trips where my membership would expire the month that I was
due to fly to Australia for vacation.
They aim to lead the way in exclusive, premium online
dating in Kenya and over time they plan to expand to East Africa and the rest
of Africa. The idea for DateMe
Kenya came about after many friends and family in Kenya complained about
not being able to meet the right people, after seeing the success of online
dating across the world and realising that Kenya has still not been given the
chance to enjoy this amazing phenomenon they decided to build one, and provide
Kenya with its first taste of a premium online dating website that offers
quality, safety and privacy all at a click of a button. They claim they are unique. First of all and most importantly they are a
members-only site and do not offer ‘FREE’ trials or tasters. Being a
members-only site allows them to keep the site safe and free of unwanted
guests. It also allows them to attract serious genuine singles that really want
to be here and make the most of their DateMe experience. Basic guidelines are in place so that
everyone can have a fun, enjoyable experience. For example we do not tolerate
anyone asking for money, spamming emails, pestering other members,
inappropriate language or prostitution. We remove anyone found breaking the
rules and have a strict no refund policy. These rules alone will keep a lot of
‘jokers’ away! Our safety is paramount
to them! So they offer an extra security measure by allowing members to prove
they are who they say they are by verifying their identity to one of their DateMe staff. They will then be given a
‘DateMe Verified’ badge on their profile for all to see.
Well one cannot fault the above introduction to DateMe
Kenya and I had a few hits in that first week, but nothing serious and they
didn’t result in any meetings. As time
has her way of passing you by without you realizing, it was now August, and I
hadn’t been active on my profile since I opened it in January. Like any membership that you pay for, as it
comes close to expiring, you want to get some bang for your buck. It meant that I had to make the first step. Nobody likes to be dissed, rejected or
ignored, but if you aren’t going to have the courage to get yourself out there,
nobody else is going to do it for you.
My way of thinking is that maybe the ‘men pool’ were thinking the same
thing and as usual somebody needs to make the first move. So last week I messaged 4 guys that had a
high percentage match with myself, and I am yet to receive a reply-from any of
them. There seems to be a lot of ‘young’
men on the site. I have never been one
to balk at age; I feel if you have that connection for someone, as long as they
are ‘legal’ I have never been an age orientated person. But in saying that there is a large
percentage of men on the site in the 23-26 age bracket. I think they may freak out of a 39 year old
women sent them a message. I just think
it would look wrong for some reason, even though I wouldn’t mind if they
contacted me. It’s funny the double
standards we have for ourselves. Well I
have used this quote more than once this year and they say that ‘fortune
favours the brave’. So as my last weeks
now tick down on my profile, it seems that I will have to try round 2 in the
dating pool when I return in April next year.
The downside to that is that I will be 40 when I resign, where at the
moment 39 doesn’t look so scary!!!!
Only people who are in relationships tell you there are
plenty of fish in the sea………
Thanks for sharing Bernie, this was a good read:-)
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