THE SHIT GANGS OF NAIROBI

The crime rate in our city has steadily increased and criminals have found yet another way to rob people.  Thanks to the ineptitude of the police, thieves have found easy targets in motorists caught in traffic jams while they are stuck on the road due to peak hour/congested traffic.  Criminals have an in-depth understanding of the locations in cities where motorists will be at their weakest; they know the area patrolled by the police, and they know which areas will be susceptible to traffic jams each day.  This is not new to Nairobi.  There isn’t a week that passes that someone hasn’t been held up while they have been stuck in traffic, and these guys are serious.  If you happen to be in the car next to someone being held up, there really wouldn’t be much you could do for the fear of them turning on you.  TOUCHWOOD, I have been lucky enough to not have been found in this situation, and part of this is due to the side of town in which I live.  People are shocked when I tell them I live in Ruaka.  Some don’t know where it is, others are worried that I am living in a more ‘local’ area rather than where majority of mzungu’s live.  As strange as it sounds, I feel I am a lot safer and less of a target in a local area than an area where more people are targeted because they are living in a ‘white’ area. 

Either way, as the blog title suggests, the traffic jam robberies are still the ‘norm’, but there is a new twist on the original traffic jam robbery that has started.  I read about it on NES months ago, but I had a friend last week become a victim of this crime and even though I do write this with a smile and I had a GREAT ol’ laugh with his wife about the incident, it is actually quite a shocking crime.  When you sit in traffic in Nairobi there are street sellers that walk from car to car selling all sorts of wares from underwear, maps, car accessories, inflated balloons and the newspapers to name a few.  It can be quite amusing to see the sellers loaded to the hilt with their goods items strung around their necks, all tied to each other for the ease of carrying as much as they can.  It is illegal to do it and every now and then you see them run for the hills when the call of ‘police’ ricocheted down the traffic line as they look over their shoulders to see where their nemesis may lurk.  It is actually a great business model if you think about it as you have a captive market of people stuck in cars, but it is illegal all the same.  So it is not unusual to have people walking past your car. 

I tend to have my windows up when I am in standstill traffic, especially in certain areas that are known for trouble, but it is so easy to become complacent and this is what happened to my friend.  He looked in his rear view mirror and saw somebody coming down the rows of cars but by the time he realized that he should probably wind up his window it was too late.  There was a man standing at his window with a hot, fresh piece of SHIT in his hand and my friend was told that if he did not hand over 200KSH (2.50AUD) then he would get a face full of the feces.  Well my friend went to reach for his wallet; dry retching as apparently the smell was of course what you would expect with it being held 30cm away from your face to get the required 200 bob.  As always in instances like this you never have change, so my friend pulled out a 1000KSH (12AUD) note hoping this would save him from being shitted, shatted, shite?  Not sure on the terminology, but thinking, giving the crooked shit holding thief (literally) 5 times the amount he asked for would suffice.  Well, like any opportunist, the shit kicker (like it) saw that my friend had another note in his wallet and even after getting 5 times the amount he demanded, he then wanted MORE.  Well this is when my friend lost it, he is a big unit, and the shit holding man decided to quit while he was ahead and ran off into the stand still traffic.  The Shit Gang strikes.

A very big point of contention in the expat community is the paying of bribes.  The con being that we are empowering these people, encouraging them to keep robbing people, whether it be the police, the vendors, security personal, customs officers etc. allowing them to keep on doing it.  The pro is that you avoid a more severe fine, going into the system, your time, your safety or the avoidance of getting a face full of poo in this instance.  Even though I hate the thought of paying bribes, I am sad to say I have done it when I have imported goods from Australia, several times (due to cost) I think, in this instance, even the most staunch supporter of NOT paying bribes would also have paid the money.  Imagine excrement, in your car, on your clothes and on your face.  I’m just gagging now thinking about it, and remember you are stuck in traffic, there is nowhere to wash, you would be stuck with it till you eventually got home, and assuming you are stuck in traffic that could be a further 45 minutes plus. 

Yes, well played Shit Gang, well played.

You certainly have the upper hand with a steaming poo in your hand.  The moral of this story is to have your windows rolled up ALL the time anytime you are stuck in Nairobi traffic otherwise you just may not know what will come through your window.  Sadly, despite so many robberies, and car ones at that, there is a well-known saying that prevention is better than cure.  Thus, I have uncovered a few preventative measures I found online that may prove to be useful to people who might find themselves in a situation where they could get robbed.

1. Both men and women are advised to remove any jewellery they are wearing and to hide it somewhere in the car. Do not, however, hide jewellery in your purse, as robbers might ask you to hand this over too.

2. Before getting in to your car, make sure that your valuables, like your laptop, briefcase, cell phone, and so on are not visible to people outside your car. Hide them under the car seat or in the dashboard. It is a good idea to step outside your car just to make sure that they are indeed not visible.

3. After leaving a little amount of money in your wallet or purse, hide your money and all other items such as your credit card, ATM card etc., somewhere inside your car. Never keep any of these items in your pockets, as criminals sometimes make their victims empty their pockets too.

4. If you get stuck in a traffic jam then keep all the doors of your car locked and the windows rolled up. If you require fresh air, do not roll your window down more than two inches.

5. If someone knocks at your window, do not slide it down or open your door. If a criminal threatens you through the window, start honking the horn to attract peoples’ attention. Many criminals leave immediately for fear of being caught. If this fails, then remain calm, and slide your window down.

6. If a robber asks you to hand over your wallet and cell phone, do so without resistance.

7. Try to carry an old (discarded) cell phone in your car, and give this to the criminal rather than your own cell phone. Make sure to keep your cell phone on silent in the car under your seat. Criminals do not bother to check the condition of the cell phone as they are often in a hurry.

8. Try to carry duplicate keys of your car at all time as robbers sometimes take away the keys of your car.

The maxim “better to be safe than sorry” is indeed true when faced with the very real threat of being robbed.  If you find yourself facing a gun, do not try to pull a heroic stunt – you might lose your life.  Be vigilant and don't drop your guard.  Being a mzungu we are a prime target for such instances as the robbers think we are guaranteed to have a lot of money on us. The police advise if people start to surround your car is to hold down the horn constantly as it will alert other drivers and any police officers close by hopefully it should make them run away also.  Please keep the above points in mind while you venture out on to the roads of Nairobi. Perhaps, they will save many of you the damages that might otherwise occur.  Shit or no shit………